It was exhausting. It was frustrating. It was revealing. It was peaceful. It was awesome. I loved and hated being in the middle of nowhere with no connection to the outside world and away from all the noise and clutter in life. It was great for a little bit but after a while, I couldn't stand not being able to receive notifications on Facebook, or know what's going on in my friends' lives, or even know what's going on in the political world (seriously though, what happened??). By Tuesday, all I really wanted was to be back home, relaxing and not doing anything but resting. All I really wanted to do was hang out with my boyfriend and laugh with him. It sucked not being in constant contact with him, but at the same time it was joyful and beautiful remembering that there was constant contact with God.
There was this image that was introduced to us in the beginning of the retreat, where we constantly have these clenched fists holding onto something tightly. It might be something we don't want to show God. It might be something you don't want God healing. Over and over again I had to remind myself to open up these fists. In allowing my hands to open, I was allowing God to enter my heart and hold my hand. I was allowing God to take charge of my life and trusting Him with all things. I was challenged over and over again in my trust in God. I'm ready to open these fists, but now I'm stuck in the action of doing so.
Now, I'm entering the real world and everything is rushing back again. I'm no longer in the safe haven of Toah Nipi. Instead, it's time to put everything I learned into action. Let Go, Let God.